Write to Me

By Gavin Kayner

How far you’ve gone

(How dear you remain)

 

How my heart

an open window

through which you’ve escaped

Aches

 

Write to me, Daddy, you say

And so

 

I try –

The singular cup of coffee

Wanting companionship

The unshared newspaper

Strewn about like desolate leaves

The solitary egg over easy

Hard to swallow

The hollow clatter of one fork

Against one plate

Nesting with one bowl

In the dish rack.

 

the plump smell

Of baking bread

Only I savor

 

Write to me you say

 

And I try-

The deep maw of afternoon

Steeped in haunting silence

 

The crest of cardinal

Against cerulean sky

A momentarily scarlet flash

And such as you

Gone

 

The sigh of trees from which you played

The empty gate where yet I wait

And watch

 

The anticipation

Of a door being thrown open

And you all exclamation marks

Sweeping in

The impatient world trailing behind

 

A world that lured you away

 

And so

The cinematic backward glance

Unspoken regret

The wrenching apart

 

The permanence of it

 

Write to me you encourage

 

And I struggle with-

the downy bed

Where dreams awoke you

And songs harbored your sleep

 

The chipped and soiled doll that listened

When no one else had an ear

For so small a voice

The cruel photo

Father and child -

The past too keenly framed

Too well remembered

 

Write to me you enjoin

 

And I strive to -

Of forlorn books on the shelf

Our co-conspirators

Mum now

Dusted with neglect

The violin whose last

Notes yet strike chords in me

That constrict breathing

The drawing of Daddy

Where a field is a carnival

Of pink and purple cows

And his crooked smile

More sorrow than solace now

 

Write to me soon you implore

 

And I do try-

Tales of gown and tasseled cap

Circumstances and ceremonies

Pomp and promise

Rites and rituals

Holidays and birthdays

Over eighteen years

Bookmarks of passages

I’ll read over and over again

Beginning to end –

 

Beginning with the babe in my arms

Fragile as dawn

Ending with the woman

Infinitely resilient

 

And too soon miles distant.

 

Write to me, Daddy, please

You plead

 

And I should

 

And I will

 

I promise

 

Once I have something to say.