Just What is a Wedding, Anyway?

by Sheila Luecht

You guessed it, last weekend we went to a wedding. Okay, it looked like a wedding, there were invitations, lots of bridesmaids, a white dress, etc. The thing that almost seemed to be foremost was alcohol.

The bride, well educated, just finished her masters in speech pathology, but the groom, well, not sure if he finished his undergrad yet. I guess that doesn't mean anything, but the father of the bride made an issue of it. I am sure out of love and pride of his daughter, he spoke of her accomplishments and he had a bit to drink. His speech at the event was more like some kind of personal campaign speech. He gushed and went on and on, if we had not already heard how they met, proposed etc. more than once already, the remaining 3 times we heard the same story in a six hour period would not have seemed so redundant.

Yes, we went to the wedding. It was at a huge corporate church in their chapel. Things seemed nicely done, the religious part of the ceremony fitting, meaningful. The part that kind of stuck in my craw was when the minister began to say 'um' repeatedly. Actually I was okay with that after a while, I tuned it out. Not everyone is a seasoned speaker, but sometimes the words they have to share are much more important then their speaking style.

When he came to the part about some important things to remember in the marriage, he related it back to some pre ceremony counseling that the couple took through the church to satisfy their requirements and occurred over some weeks. Now, I am not sure how you feel about hearing some of that publicly, but I was a little surprised to hear what they felt they needed reminders on and guidance on. It was a bit like looking at what might be considered short comings and the rules of the road. I had never been at any wedding where that had been done. No, I do remember being at ceremonies, my own included where the pastor included some general advice which seemed helpful for a young couple. Things like, remember to show appreciation, care, give comfort to your spouse, and in some religious ceremonies, a reminder to keep Christ or God as the center. No one took anything that may have been said in a counseling session and put it out there for everyone to know.

Well, it was different and believe me, I think everyone was listening.

You could see the differences in the families. The groom and his family seemed more genuinely religious. I sensed it in their demeanor, their attitudes. They had a lot of grace. They were going along and seemed very supportive of their son and his choice of bride.

In one counseling session the groom had told how he prayed to God for a wife and then he met his bride. He said that on the third date he confessed his love to her, and she said, "That's nice". That got a laugh, but in a way, it I felt for the groom. You know the whole, laughing with you and laughing at you thing. He felt then that he had to explain how he learned more about what love really was and then almost three years later, here they were at the altar.

The mother of the groom wore a lovely, understated cocktail suit and it was an afternoon wedding. Everyone wore a tuxedo, but with black gym shoes.

That was a homage to the fact that the bride and groom run marathons and that the groom proposed at the conclusion of one with press and television cameras rolling. The bride's mother wore a black sequined, transparent overlay long gown with a slit up to her, well, very high. One spaghetti strap and the other the mesh. Nice evening look at 1:00 pm. Hair up with little diamonds in it. I didn't even recognize her.

At the reception which was a few hours later, many were in their party mode. After seeing some Face Book pictures of the super stretch limo which held the 14 bridesmaids and groomsmen, including the grandmothers and parents, it would seem that partying was au riger. Social drinking is nothing new to me, but the excess was amazing. They stopped at a store where liquor was sold, the bridal party in their attire entered the store and purchased more liquor. They played in the aisles, in and with the grocery carts and more. That included the bride and the groom. I have seen the pictures myself. She really seemed to enjoy being in the cart. A lot.

So, later I was not completely surprised to see  the inibriated minister licking his wife's cleavage, and the brides older brother dry humping his latest girlfriend. Well okay, maybe I was surprised to see the minister's behavior.

The over theatrical presentation of the bridal party, with each maid and groomsman  introduced doing a vignette of there choice, was not all bad. I was just particularly shocked at the gangster and pretend gun shooting one.

Most of you have heard of the custom of clanking your glass to see the bride and groom kiss. Well, that worked here to, but the disc jockey had a racing bike, stationary, in the center of the dance floor here. He had some people come up, who had been preselected earlier, so throughout the night he had them climb on to do some fast peddling for a minute and then the bride and groom were to kiss. Which they did. The thing is the DJ was a rather short fellow, so it was humorous to see the tall men get on this bike (his bike) and pedal, then when they called up some of the women, it seemed a bit more appropriate fit. If you can imagine, they were in heels and dresses, using a step ladder to straddle the bike without falling. Not to mention that many of them were drinking quite a bit too.

As this spectacle delayed the courses of the dinner, and was not so interesting after a while, the little fun it had provided was soon diminished. Not many paid attention. But as usual, the sound was blaring and they tried to make it the center of attention.

Then the bride climbed on. Well, she changed into the bike shoes of the DJ which happened to fit her but left her wedding dress on. At this point her beautiful strapless dress full of lace and beading had been strung with some electric lights under the slip. We had noticed when she did the father/daughter dance minutes before. As she was helped up onto the bike by her groom, who appeared increasingly nervous, she managed to get on the bike with her dress being lifted up to her upper thighs to avoid any bike grease. They called for some more help to hold the dress up.

A few people rushed over to help with that and then she had a few practice spins before the timer was pushed. It was on the handle bars of the racing bike. As she is a marathon runner, she is muscular and in great shape. She is petite also, with a near perfect figure.

It was all good, but at this point she was just drunk enough to take the racing on the bike seriously. She hunkered down and got into the perfect stance and when the button was pushed, and it all counted, she pumped those petals like nobody's business.

Did I mention the dress was strapless? Yeah, those puppies were pushing themselves far out of their boundaries of sequins and lace, the sweetheart neckline was getting a run for the money...

Soon a royal blue napkin, you know, matchee matchee, to the bridesmaid dresses and the cute cummerbunds, was being held in front of the escaping mammary glands. The bride was oblivious, so true she was to her goal, of what? Well, the fastest time, of course! All this was taking place right in the center ring of the circus, I mean the dance floor.

Mercifully the dinner was finally finished. The cream of tomato soup divine, the salad crisp and the chicken, well the chicken. The chicken breast was rolled and stuffed with something of cheese, spinach and breadcrumbs, forming a solid mass which was sliced and covered with a brown gravy. The thing is, by the time we got to eat that course, the ends of the chicken were dry. Sadly this restaurant has very good food, and we usually enjoy it.

My husband decided it must have been catered in; there was no way in his mind that this was the same food they usually serve. Well, I don't know about that. The hors d'oeuvres were very good and it was a positive thing they were generously served, it probably helped prevent some more drunkenness.

Then the mascot came out. Yes, the mascot of the University of Iowa. Then came the call for all the Iowa classmates to hit the dance floor, and they sure did. Literally. They all enjoyed singing their school song, and then 'dancing'.

The cake was served and it was a wonderful melange of frosting, chocolate and vanilla. We enjoyed it. As the music began to get louder, if you can imagine that, I could hardly hear the 85 year old grandmother of the bride at our table try and make conversation with me. I was the one who kept saying "What?"

Soon it was time for us to leave. We had stayed, we felt a decent amount of time and did have to drive a bit, having forgone the hotel option where the rest of the bunch were staying.  Our daughter had work very early in the morning too. My son was just sorry to miss the promised pizza, that they had announced would be served later in the night. He could not eat the chicken and thought they would bring it right out. Poor boy.

Well the whole thing was kind of raucous and entertaining in a way, Christ and God mentioned as the center of this marriage, but the behavior kind of contrary, right down to the minister, of an honest representation of that religious thought.

Speak the words, but live them, if you expect me to believe you. My husband is fond of saying, "Oh, thats okay, those folks can do anything, anything, they just know that Jesus will forgive them, they are sinners after all, so, they got it covered." That is tongue in cheek for those of you who do not know him.
Methinks our gift from Tiffany's might have truly been lost on them. Perhaps they will grow to appreciate tradition. I don't know, but next month, we have another one of these to go to. Some of the very same crowd. It outta be interesting, don't you just love 'the relatives'?

Hey, it kind of reminds me of that Bat Mitzvah we went to with the snakes....

Copyright 2011 by SheilaTGTG55